So you’re looking for a gay test for kids?

Sounds like you have serious questions about what’s going on in your child’s life right now.

And you’re trying to find some answers.

It’s natural to search for answers, guidance, or assurance. I’ve been there. As a parent, I’ve been there. I find myself Googling topics almost daily: When will my 8-month-old say “mama”? How much screen time is “ok” for a 10-year-old? Should I let my preteen have an Instagram account?

But sexual identity is about more than gay tests for kids.

Right now, you’re helping your child develop the skills and resources to succeed at life. To find trust, strength, and courage in themselves, so they can succeed in the real world.

While it’s natural and healthy to be concerned about your child’s development, sometimes a parent’s best intentions can lead them into dangerous territory.

Google, search: “gay test for kids”

Googling about your son or daughter’s sexual orientation can damage your relationship and be harmful to your child’s mental and emotional state. Some parents search for “gay tests for kids” or “is my son/daughter gay?” While it might not seem harmful, it is ultimately a misguided attempt at pigeonholing your child into a sexual category they might not identify with.

You don’t need a “gay test for kids” – what you need is some guidance.

We’ve compiled this page to offer you a few starting points; reliable resources for what not to do, what to do, and where to search for more information about your child’s sexual identity.

Whether you’re comfortable with your child “coming out” to you, or you’re disappointed by the news, the last thing you want to do is alienate them. Just take yourself out of the equation and think about how your child is feeling right now. As the website BelongTo.org points out, while you may be hurt initially, it’s important to take some time to evaluate the situation.

“Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. Try and imagine how difficult it would be to be unable to talk about who you are attracted to, how you feel about a certain person, or even where or with whom you socialize. To live a lie and ignore your sexuality, such an integral part of you, is emotionally damaging, and isolating.” – BelongTo.org

If your child comes out to you, you might think, “Where did I go wrong?” or “Why is she telling me this?” It’s possible that you’ve always told yourself you’d be fine if your son or daughter was gay, but now you’re realizing it doesn’t really fit into your plans for them (or yourself for that matter).

Instead of focusing on how this news affects you as the parent, realize that your child is reaching out to you and is at their most vulnerable. How you speak and what you decide to do with this information is crucial to your relationship.

Get Permission To Get Help (For Yourself!)

–Do not make the mistake of thinking this is about you. This is about your child. Remember that.–

You might need to reach out to a professional counselor, family member, friend or religious leader in your community. But before you do, talk to your child first. Telling someone about your child’s sexual orientation without their consent is a violation of their privacy and is “outing” them without their knowledge. This can be damaging to your relationship and your child’s psychological well-being.

Google Smarter

If you do decide to do some internet research, try searching for topics such as “tips for parents of gay children” or “what to do when your child comes out to you.” These searches will lead you to helpful information, such “10 Things Not To Say When Your Kid Comes Out” from the My Kid Is Gay website.

Examples of what NOT to say include “This is just a phase” or “Please don’t tell anyone else.”

Just….don’t.

What You Can Do

Ok, so you’re starting to understand what NOT to do. Here is a list compiled by ParentInfo.org on what you SHOULD do:

1. Tell them you love them

   Of course you love them, but they need to hear it from you! The website also recommends discussing logistics: Do they prefer a different name or pronoun; Do they feel safe at school; Can you discuss this with anyone else, and who might that be?

2. Find your support system

   Finding a support group might be a necessary tool for you. FamilyEquality.org is a great resource for LGBTQ families. Check out their website for a map of locations near you.

3. Do your research and get your questions answered

   Just be careful! As with almost any topic, the internet can take you down a rabbit hole of harmful information. Google carefully and intentionally. The My Kid Is Gay website is highly recommended as a starting point for questioning parents.

5. Sign up for My Kid Is Gay’s Coming Out With Care package

   This E-Care Package includes a welcome video, a guided journal, coloring page, and provides a link to the My Kid Is Gay Facebook community.

6. Let love guide you

   When in doubt, just let love guide you. Keep your expectations and ego in check and let empathy do the talking.

More Resources

Buy the book “This is A Book for Parents of Gay Kids” on Amazon and many other booksellers.

And take this free 3-Day e-course from The Proud Path, which explains the meaning behind all the letters in LGBTQIA. Usually $27, its free to new members. In addition to learning about LGBTQIA, parents will learn the answer to questions like, “What does cisgender mean?” and “Why do some people use the word queer?”

So now you have some resources to help you, your child, and your family navigates the road ahead. Even if your child hasn’t told you he or she is LGBTQ, you might suspect it.

Instead of trying to determine this information for yourself using the internet, let your child know you can that you’re open to discussing the topic. In the meantime, spend some time checking out the information provided here and know that you’re doing the best you can to be a support system and an advocate for your child.

In the meantime, spend some time checking out the information provided here and know that you’re doing the best you can to be a support system and an advocate for your child.

And if you have an experience with a resource that was helpful to you, as the parent of an LGBTQ child, please leave it in the comments!

Editor’s Note: This article was created to address the many, many people searching for “gay test for kids” online, every month. In order to spread a message of acceptance, we purposefully chose to include the search term in the article headline. We hope you understand and find the message uplifting and actionable!