Frizzy hair solutions — girl, SIGH! I’ve spent every day of the the last twenty-five years thinking about thin frizzy hair and what could be done to smooth or fix it. That’s a quarter of a century of hating my hair and it’s finger-in-an-electric-socket look. 

Heads up: Affiliate links below. We believe and test everything we recommend and may earn a bit of dough at no additional cost to you.

Tried All These Thin Frizzy Hair Solutions?

• Supplements and diets
• No-poo (cleaning with rye flour)
• Low-poo (clean shampoos used sparingly)
• Co-condish (cleansing with conditioner)
• Quitting styling tools
• Transitioning to natural (wavy) hair & products
• Not dying your hair (let it 100% grow out)
• Dying your hair (color deposit to smooth the hair cuticle)
• Every mask and conditioner that promises smooth locks
• Olaplex treatments

Then keep reading, because I am so excited to be the one to introduce you to a life-changing DIY at-home smoothing hair treatment!!! 

Just want the DIY product?

Thin, Frizzy Hair, Meet Keratin Treatments

Frizzy hair solutions have failed to deliver what they promised me, too many times to count. The only thin frizzy hair smoothing treatment that has ever worked, until now, was the in-salon keratin smoothing treatments.

And honestly, if you can afford and don’t live by the ocean (salt kills keratin smoothers), stop reading. Just get yourself to a salon that offers the Keratin Complex Treatment and do that.

No, it’s not that Brazilian treatment that kills your hair. It’s a Keratin Smoothing Treatment.

Hear me out.

In-Salon Keratin Treatment (Option 1)

• The in-salon treatment keratin smoothing treatment I’m talking about does NOT take your natural curl away. It’s just a smoothing treatment.
• Yes, it’s crazy expensive, but maybe worth it if you spends hundreds a year searching for the magic potion that gets rid of frizzy hair. 
• It binds keratin to your hair so it’s smoother and shinier. And, you don’t have to wait to wash your hair after the treatment has been applied. 

I tried the Express treatment and it was great—while it lasted. It was supposed to last 4-6 weeks if you avoided salt and chloride. 

The Express treatment cost $150 + tip, not including cut, color, or styling. 

It was beautiful while it lasted, but my hair was back to its normal frizzy mess in about three weeks, so I couldn’t justify the cost. Nor was I springing for the full treatment at $250 for 10 weeks, knowing it would wash out sooner than expected.  

But I’m unwilling to shell out $150-350 + tip every four to ten weeks, so I had to find another way. 

So I went online, wondering if there was maybe an at-home treatment that would offer similar results. Like what I did for my rosacea problem. 

AND I FOUND ONE!

Meet Gussi: A DIY Thin Frizzy Hair Solution

Gussi is an at-home keratin smoothing treatment that works just as well as the in-salon one, in my experience. 

Full disclosure: I was SO stinking excited after trying Gussi that I contacted the company and joined their affiliate program. This is only the third time in my online “life” I’ve done that. So while I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you to help keep this website running, YOU get to use my link, get the kick-ass discount, and know I’m only recommending it because it literally changed my life!

A Real Before & After

I have been tricked far too many times by fancy photos of perfectly styled hair that’s been flat-ironed within an inch of its life. 

Seriously, your hair flat-ironed after a treatment is not what I want to see. What we need is before and after photos of air-dried hair.

Perfection is not what you’re going to see here. Below are some before-and-after Gussi treatment photos of my hair in its natural state. When you apply the treatment, you have to flat iron your hair, but I’m not showing it because my hair flat-ironed is nothing like it is dried naturally. 

Flat-ironed hair looks shiny, like normal hair, not the thin frizzy mess I have most of the time. 

The pictures show my hair air-dried. No hairdryer, flat iron, curling iron, or hair products. I will no have that JLo bounce, but the fact that I can regularly wear my hair down, even in the 90% humidity we’ve experienced all summer long?! Sold.

Verdict: I’m sold. Gussi works.

Gussi Before and after

Hair Before

My hair before my first Gussi at-home keratin hair treatment:

Note: I applied a toner treatment in-between these photos but that never changes the frizz factor. Just trying to keep it 100% honest.

…and after (air dried)

You guys, this stuff WORKS! It tamed my thin, frizzy hair into a manageable mane for weeks at a time! 

Why I’ll Keep Gussi

Okay, so here’s what really stands out about the Gussi at-home keratin smoothing treatment to me:

Humidity-proof

My hair doesn’t react to the humidity, not even the rain! Blew it dry in 89% humidity and wore it down. Girl, that is NEW. I’ve never been able to do that. 

KeePs Natural Curl

It didn’t take my curl away. The first time I applied it, my hair was definitely straighter than I like, but I went a little heavy on the product. Second time was a charm. Bouncy, frizz-free smoothness when using a round brush and hairdryer. No flatiron needed! 

Stink & Sting Free

Gussi treatments don’t smell, sting, or hurt me. There was a little tingle, but nothing like other products I’ve tried in the past. Yay!

Free Of The Nasties

No nasties! Gussi is formaldehyde-free, phthalate-free, gluten-free, and paraben-free. It’s also certified cruelty-free. I sound like an ad for them, but seriously, it’s just that good. 

Cost-Effective

With my thin hair, I get 2-3 treatments per bottle. That works out to $15-30/every 6-8 weeks (for me, anyway). Can’t beat that price.

Longlasting

The Gussi at-home keratin smoothing treatment ended up lasting me 8 weeks the first time. And that was during a humid, Deep South summer! Since then, I’m reapplying every 6 weeks or so. 

Pretty Quick Application

It me about an hour to apply Gussi from beginning to end. But the time I save blowdrying and styling my hair for the next 6 weeks makes it worth it! (And really, it’s no different than getting ready for a night out.) 

Thin Frizzy Hair Solutions That Work 

If you can afford the in-salon keratin treatments as regular part of your frizzy hair care routine, get yourself to your salon STAT. 

But if you’re like the rest of us, short on time and unwilling to spend thousands of dollars a year on fighting frizz, then grab discount code ASHLEY and head over to Gussi’s website to get you some. 

Seriously, Gussi as a frizzy hair solution is a game-changer. This at-home smoothing keratin treatments ensures I no longer have to guess at how my hair is going to react to the weather every day. Now, I just wash, maybe blow dry, and head out. If you have thin, frizzy hair like me, Gussi is a game-changer. 

I’m done searching for miracle products, masks, and treatments. I hope you are, too! 

Let me know in the comments if you enjoy it as much as I do! 

Gussi

Use this link or coupon code ASHLEY to snag 15% off!

Amazon

Gussi’s site ships super-fast, but Amazon has it too. Here’s the 2-piece set, or 4-piece set with shampoo & conditioner. 

The post Thin Frizzy Hair Solutions? Yes, Meet Your New BFFs! appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

Is your rosacea caused by mites? The thought is so gross, isn’t it!? But there’s a good chance those tiny little critters living on your face — Demodex mites —  might be the reason for your rosacea. If you’re searching for the best rosacea treatment, you can stop the Google search spiral. 

Demodex mites live on everyone’s skin in small amounts, gobbling up bacteria and dead skin. In small numbers, they’re good, and you need them. But too many? Recent studies indicate an overgrowth of these facial mites is one of the primary causes of rosacea. 

The worst was the medical professionals I talked to had little to no idea that these pesky bugs are taking over so many faces! So today, I’m going to share how to quickly treat rosacea caused by mites – for about twenty bucks. 

No joke, and I’ll link to evidence-based research to prove it. 

The Root Cause of Rosacea

The root cause of rosacea is thought to be a dysfunction in your body’s immune system, which upsets the natural balance of your body and weakens your immune system. 

You can look and feel healthy on the outside, but what’s happening inside your body is what matters. A weakened immune system causes inflammation, an unhealthy gut biome, and vicious rosacea flares that worsen with time and age. 

Stress doesn’t help, either. 

Left untreated, it tends to worsen over time.

Google Gods of rosacea

[Rosacea is] A condition that causes redness and often small, red, pus-filled bumps on the face. Rosacea most commonly affects middle-aged women with fair skin. It can be mistaken for acne or other skin conditions. Key symptoms are facial redness with swollen red bumps and small visible blood vessels. Treatments such as antibiotics or anti-acne medications can control and reduce symptoms. Left untreated, it tends to worsen over time.

Getting Diagnosed With Rosacea

Over the past twenty years, my face went from smooth and clear as a baby’s bum to looking angry and old – mottled, dry, red, and crazy inflamed. My nose was the worst, sunburnt red all the time. 

In my teens and 20s, the redness only flared after a bout of heavy exercise — or alcohol consumption. As the years went on, my alcohol consumption increased to at least a glass or two a night, and the redness on my face grew worse.

Getting a facial before my wedding in 2018, my esthetician refused to perform a microdermabrasion I scheduled. She said my skin was too damaged to have sand shot across it. I was officially diagnosed with rosacea in my mid-30s, though I’d had it for years. 

Even quitting drinking didn’t help. It was too late. 

The search for a cure started. I’m a researcher by nature, so I went down the Google rabbit hole. There wasn’t much to find. A few years ago, the only treatments I could find were expensive and prescription only. The published studies and findings mainly were for treating rosacea flares, but I wanted to find treatment for the root cause, not just the symptoms. 

How I Was Told To Treat My Rosacea

Doctors, estheticians, and the very nice ladies at Ulta all suggested different ideas and treatments. I wanted a natural rosacea treatment, free of endocrine-disrupting hormones, which eliminated SOOO many brands. 

At various stages, professionals told me to:

• Use Alpha Hydroxy Acids (AHAs), which are usually plant-derived and gentle but effective.  
• Never use glycolic or salicylic acid (glycolic is an AHA! eye roll) as they’re too harsh.
• Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
• Cleanse with oil.
• Don’t cleanse with oil.
• Do a skin detox.
• Get laser therapy treatments.
• Go to a dermatologist for prescriptions.
• Live with it – there was nothing I could do about it.

What Rosacea Treatments (Sort Of) Worked

For years, I resisted spending hundreds of dollars on treatment. However, I’m sure I paid it anyway by constantly trying new makeup and skincare products. I oil cleansed for a long time, but I was constantly dehydrated, so my skin could handle it. Once I stopped drinking alcohol regularly, oil cleansing made me break out. 

Biossance cleansers and moisturizers worked and didn’t make me break out, but they also didn’t treat my redness from the Type I rosacea. Trying new products was tricky, and everything would cause my Type II rosacea acne to flare.

But when even my foundation started looking bad – getting cakey and showing dry spots off – I knew it was time to get professional help. 

Finally, in the spring of 2022, I caved and tried two Intense Pulsed Light Therapy (IPL) treatments for rosacea. While two treatments helped a bit, it wasn’t enough to justify $250/session!

And then I found a paper on Demodex mites that changed my life — like I hope this one will for you! 

Rosacea Caused By Mites, For Real?

Yes, rosacea caused by Demodex mites is a real thing. If your body’s defense system is shot, it can’t fight off tiny little bugs taking over your face. Rosacea caused by mites worsens over time and never goes away on its own — unless you take control. 

But first, understand everyone has these mites (and a ton of other little bugs) on their faces. It’s normal. But too many lead to inflammation and bacteria build-up. 

Rosacea worsens over time. I’ve spent years hoping to wake up one morning with magically clear skin, but the opposite kept happening. My rosacea was getting worse, and I started developing a hive-like rash when I ate spicy foods or drank red wine. 

Which makes sense when you think about it. My immune and inflammatory systems were out of whack, largely due to my diet which included way too much sugar, alcohol, and high-histamine foods. 

This isn’t an article about cleaning up your diet, but consider this a big wake-up call that you need to cleanse your body to treat your face! Phoebe Lapine has excellent food and detox solutions on her website that you should check out.

How Do I Know If I Have Rosacea Caused By Mites

Okay, here it is — how can you tell if you have rosacea caused by mites? And caused means the symptoms showing, not the root cause, which is your immune system needs help.

The short answer is you don’t know if you have rosacea caused by mites. The only way to diagnose Demodex rosacea is to go to the doctor and have a skin sample put under a microscope to count the little buggers. 

BUT people with rosacea typically have ten to eighteen timesmore Demodex mites living on their faces than “normal” people. 

The chances are that if you have persistent facial redness, you have too many Demodex mites and their associated bacteria on your face. 

Here’s my before and after just one week of treatment:

What Does Rosacea Caused By Mites Look Like?

Okay, so what does rosacea caused by mites look like? Rosacea flares in so many different ways it can be hard to tell if it’s caused by mites or something else, like a reaction to skincare products, environment, or diet. 

Rosacea caused by mites often (NOT always):

• shows as redness spreading from the nose outwards
• look like you wore oversized sunglasses but forgot sunscreen
• can spread upwards between your eyebrows (they like the hair follicles by your eyebrows)
• often getting worse after sleeping, not better (mites are primarily nocturnal, who knew?!)
• never totally fades away
• can burn and sting
• makes your skin dry

Cheap & Effective Treatment For Rosacea Caused By Mites

Have you ever heard of Azelaic Acid? It’s an Alpha Hydroxy Acid that’s plant-derived. You put it on twice a day for a few weeks, and it helps kill the Demodex mites that cause rosacea flares. 

If you have rosacea symptoms, this simple treatment could change your life. My skin went from looking sunburnt all the time to clearer and smoother:

All because I finally figured out what was going on with my skin!!

Azelaic acid comes in a more potent prescription form. Still, this over-the-counter 10% azelaic acid treatment has worked for me. 

Here’s one I love from Amazon:

What To Expect As You Treat Demodex Rosacea

YOUR SKIN WILL GET WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER. 

Let me repeat. 

YOUR SKIN WILL GET WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER.

One more time.

YOUR SKIN WILL GET WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER.

Here’s what happens. The azelaic acid kills the mites, but the little buggers spent a bunch of time gobbling up bacteria off your face. This bacteria gets released back into your skin as they die off, causing acne and crazy breakouts. So gross, but true. All this crap has to work its way out of your skin. 

How To Use Azelaic Acid and Niacinamide To Treat Rosacea Caused By Mites

Get yourself a bunch of these two things:

1.  Azelaic Acid 10% treatment (plant-derived acid)
2. Niacinamide serum (basically Vitamin B3)

Or get this one, which has everything you need in one serum! 

You only need the azelaic acid to treat rosacea caused by mites. Still, your skin’s natural moisture barrier is likely compromised at this point, too. Putting niacinamide on before the azelaic acid (or with it, if you buy the all-in-one) helps repair your skin’s defense system.

How I Apply Azelaic Acid

I apply the suspension morning and night to clean skin, then pat moisturizer on top twice a day. 

Some people have to work up to this, but you know your skin. You can always start by applying a few times a week, then gradually increase. You’re an adult – make intelligent choices for your skin. My skin had no problem with the twice-daily application, in the morning and night. 

If you can only apply it once daily, do it at night! Otherwise, morning and night. You’ll likely need to moisturize on top of it. I love this moisturizer with probiotics in it from Biossance.

How To Tell Your Demodex Rosacea Treatment Is Working 

Be sure to do a patch test first! 

Once you start applying the product, expect your skin to get worse. Seriously, it’s awful, but it’s all the gunk working its way out. At first, I thought I was reacting to the products. Still, after about a week, the acne and the generally sad state of my skin started drastically improving. 

Acne and comedones (bumps on the skin you can’t see) will occur in areas where you’re prone to breaking out. Suppose you start getting a ton of acne or rashes where you don’t typically breakout. You might be having a reaction, or the product is too strong, and you need to apply less frequently. 

The redness started to fade after the first few days of treatment, and I noticed a vast improvement after one week. It can take a month to clear your skin of all the dead mites that caused your rosacea flares, so be patient. It’s worth it! 

People on Reddit in the rosacea forum are obsessed with azelaic acid. Reddit is an excellent place to go if you want to hear more first-hand accounts of treating rosacea caused by mites. Finacea is the Rx version of azelaic acid. Another commonly used treatment is ivermectin (yeah, the horse dewormer of COVID-19 fame), but it’s prescription only. 

July 2022 Update

Clearing the demodex mites with azelaic acid definitely helped jumpstart the rosacea recovery but I did notice I maxed on out results. I’m currently testing a histamine-restricted diet to see if that will do the trick. My point: This is a multi-layered process for many people. Try the acid and then you can at least eliminate or fix the demodex mite issue! 

Azelaic Acid Effectively Treats Rosacea Caused By Mites

If you don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend on rosacea doctors, lasers, and prescriptions, consider giving azelaic acid and niacinamide a try! Too many Demodex mites are a leading cause of rosacea flares. Still, you can diminish the symptoms with over-the-counter azelaic acid. 

Remember, rosacea’s root cause is believed to be dysfunction in your immune and inflammatory systems. It’s worth trying out a low FODMAP or an elimination diet to see if certain foods like onion, dairy, and white flour are triggering your rosacea flares.

But the fact remains that rosacea sufferers have ten to eighteen times the usual amount of Demodex mites on their faces. If you have rosacea, azelaic acid may be an excellent treatment option. 

Be sure to patch test and talk to your doctor if you have concerns about your rosacea. As the mites die off, your skin will worsen before you see any improvement. It can take up to a month! If you decide to try azelaic acid to treat rosacea caused by mites, let us know how it goes in the comments below! 

The post Is Your Rosacea Caused By Mites? +What To Do About It appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

I’m just gonna say it. Every supermom who pretends to have her sh!t together is a fake.

They’re sitting so high on the pedestal of disillusionment they can’t see the sticky toast their kids mashed into the carpet this morning.

Don’t get me wrong – I take my hat off to them. So many supermoms are living the “fake it till you make it” dream. They’re robust enough to carry three slow-moving kids under one arm (laptop under the other!) and can part traffic with one pissed-off glance.

I’ll raise my hand – I’ve lived in their brutal world, red-lining my life and fueling my dream with double-strength cappuccinos for the past year.

Three kids. A full-time workload. An excellent career and pay. What could go wrong?

Every-frickin’-thing!

Life is an exhausting, white-knuckle roller coaster ride.

The kind of ride that you’re convinced will end with you sharing your latest meal with the crowds below, but you line up for it anyway.

Breakfast for myself is rare or eaten while performing a Dukes-of-Hazzard-esque leap into my car. My kids have pseudo-ponytails, rapidly scraped together in a poor effort to conceal the knots I don’t have time to fight. Their lunch boxes contain more foil- and cello-wrapped packaging than actual food. And homework’s done at the school bus stop with a few frantic calculations on my phone as the bus looms on the horizon.

Do you ever feel like you just want to get off this ride?

Every morning I resemble a baseball player skidding into the base plate.

And then my work day starts, and I’m expected to have it all together as I waltz into the office all cool, calm and collected – towing a cartload of guilt.

I’m living the dream, right?

Energy in abundance, my supermom lifestyle is sure to reap huge rewards.

One day… or so people keep telling me.

Now, I’ll let you in on a little secret.

I’m older than I’m willing to admit to my unstoppable “drink till 2:00 a.m. and still feel great in the morning” self.

The reality is that I’m a 70s shag-pile-and-brown-toweling-raised babe.

Just to be clear, for those of you born toting a smartphone. I’m not so old that I’m walking in circles chanting “Where-a-ma-glasses?” – But I am old enough to remember the sequined delight of Wonder Woman on TV. My childhood idol, I’ll add.

It’s only fair we pay our respects right now – cue wistful music. Remember those blue satin shorts? Who needs long lists of goals when you’ve got shorts (and legs) like that? She was superhuman and could do anything. Being Super Woman and Supermom was what I aspired to, and by God, I would be just that one day!

For all you bewildered gals out there, here she is in all her glory.

But I figured it out.

The trick to being a supermom is to fake it. Fake it to yourself. Fake it to your kids. Just be an all-out fake in a trying-to-better kind of way. (Not that I’d ever dare to suggest that Wonder Woman was a fake – blasphemy!)

Faking it makes it real. Just get the roll of Tums or glass of wine ready to deal with all the added stress.

Here’s what my supermom life looks like.

I justify paying squillions for a lettuce-leaf lunch every day because all that money I’m earning can pay for it. And I get to choose from all those ever-so-tasty chia-loaded delights I’ll never have the time, nor the inclination, to whizz up in my shiny new Vitamix myself.

I chalk up the day my kids wore their school uniforms on Casual Day as an essential life lesson in resilience.

And the fact that “freezer surprise” has become my kids’ most requested dinner item is a vote of faith in favor of the technological advancements of boxed food, not a cloak-and-dagger game of survival.

My relationships with friends are stitched together with strings of panicked text messages asking for copies of lost school notes and depreciating jokes about needing a glass of wine at 10:00 a.m.

And Sunday, the day of rest. Pfft. It’s a day to retrieve lost socks from down the back of the washer and move objects around the house in an attempt to find the carpet (and to prevent impaling my foot on a Barbie hairbrush).

So yes, I’m a superhuman working mom – but I secretly hate my life.

I yearn for the time to join the kale-smoothie-loving, lycra-clad weekday yogis as they flow out on onto the street looking glowing and relaxed.

I wish for the spare hours to sit through mind-numbing school assemblies to receive a flash of a smile from my kids just because I showed up.

My dream is of a split-second in which to feel as if I’m not running life on a treadmill and about to fly off the back at any moment.

The working mom thing is not all it’s cracked up to be. You’ve got to want it badly to make it work. And I mean so bad that you’re prepared to throw every inkling of a standard to the wind and be ready to ride life’s rollercoaster holding on by your fingernails.

In truth, I want to stick it to my job.

I want to stick it to my colleagues who think I care that their kids are sick when I don’t even know if my kids left home today with their heads screwed on correctly.

So, you can shove those blue satin shorts right back where they fit – ‘cause they sure as hell don’t fit my unexercised butt any longer.

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The post I Became A Supermom, And Now I Hate My Life appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

Fostering children comes with a lot of preconceptions that are incorrect. Often used as a storyline in TV shows and movies to make sense of a character’s behavior, foster kids have gotten a bad rap. 

All over the world, foster carers are desperately needed to fill the gap in an overstretched system.

If you have questions about fostering children – for yourself or simply out of curiosity – you’re not alone! 

Here are seven things you need to know about fostering but are too afraid to ask.

Are all children in care “problem children”?

No. This is the most damaging stereotype facing the fostering industry today. Foster children are not always problem children. That’s a myth stemming from the representation of fostering on TV shows and movies. 

Yes, every child is different, and children in care have likely faced a lot of adversity and uncertainty in their short lives. But when you learn more about a child’s life, you learn that their behavior is just a small part of a bigger picture.

Connecting with these children is a rewarding experience that will stay with you forever.

Do you have to adopt a child if they have been with your family for an extended length of time?

No. Many people think you need superhuman powers to be able to give up a child at the end of an extended fostering period. 

Simply put, the goal of fostering is to find the child a permanent home that is safe and secure. That does not mean the home is with you. You, as a foster carer, provide a safe and secure environment for the child.

Permanent homes for foster children vary. Sometimes everyone works together to reunite the birth parents with the children family, and other times you work towards placing them with adoptive parents.

Additionally, some foster parents take the foster-to-adopt route, but this isn’t required or expected.

Is it wrong to get paid for fostering?

No. A lot of people are uncomfortable asking how much foster carers get paid. They worry they will be seen as being motivated by money. Foster carers receive money, but this money helps the foster family to care for a child. The money also ensures the kids get a chance to enjoy things they would have done with their birth family.

If a child is not in a foster home, he or she lives in a state-run care home. State care costs a lot more than paying a foster family and is much less beneficial for the child. 

Paying foster carers to foster children helps the children.

Do I have to own my own house?

No. If you’ve hesitated to ask about fostering because you don’t own your own house, stop worrying. 

[bctt tweet=”The only thing that will determine if you can be a foster carer is your desire and ability to care for a child.” username=”LiesAboutParent”]

Furthermore, your credit score, the state of your finances, and your homeowner status don’t influence whether or not you can foster a child. 

Do I have to be a certain age?

No. Fostering is often associated with empty nesters and so young people shy away from inquiring. In reality, there is often no upper or lower age limit for fostering in many places. Private fostering agencies ensure you are healthy and active enough to keep up with a growing child.

Note: In some US states, the minimum age to foster is 21 years old. More information in Resources at the end of this post.

Can I foster if I have a job or am unemployed?

Yes. Fostering is as much a career choice as anything else – it’s just like working in childcare, but you work from home. That said, it varies by fostering agency, as some will prefer for one parent to be home at all times.

Finally, being employed or unemployed shouldn’t impact your ability to foster a child. If the child is school age and you can be there outside of school hours, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to foster a child.

Do I need to have a lot of experience in childcare?

No. The foster care system isn’t only made up of ex-social workers and teachers. People from all kinds of backgrounds are foster carers and bring unique perspectives and experience to the profession. 

Even if you don’t have your own children, you can still be considered for fostering. Provided you have some experience of caring for young children, either through your job or through caring for young family members, you could be an ideal foster carer.

And don’t forget about the older children in need of foster care!

Resources

AdoptUSKids.org – An excellent website with links to state guidelines and programs for fostering and adopting children.

LGBTQ – The Human Rights Campaign has organized resources for people of any gender expression who wish to explore parenting laws by state, in the USA. (LAP strongly believes in the rights of every person to foster and adopt, regardless of gender expression or identity.)

What Is Foster Care – An excellent article by the National Adoption Agency.

 Share if you care!

The post 7 Things You Need To Know But Don’t Want To Ask About Fostering appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

Also known as the never-ending Guilt Trip.

I know what I need to be happy. I just have to get it.

The next job, the next marriage, the next house, the next pair of jeans.

Next, next, next, next.

I feel anxious already. Can I accomplish all this? Will I ever be a great person, parent, and partner?

“To be happy” is a phrase loaded with interpretation, hope, and doubt.

What We Want Is What We Get. (sort of)

It’s all we really want. To be happy.

We hunt down happiness by picking perfect partners and stalking careers that not only pay the bills but that are supposed to fulfill us. We dream of travel and want to live a spiritual life. We want to be active, be educated, be sophisticated.

We want to be exhilarated by our fantastic freaking life.

And, yeah, a part of us wants people to see our photo-feed and be a teensy, tiny bit jealous.

So we get ahead at work and never use up our vacation days. Our kids get shuttled from one activity to the next, even if they don’t want to go. We wear ourselves out chasing happiness. 

How does this version of happiness feel?

Makes me feel nauseous… and exhausted. 

The Guilt Trip that is Happiness is a lot of baggage to carry. All those goals felt heavy on my shoulders and hard in the pit of my stomach.

Are they even doable? 

Maybe there’s a simpler, more achievable goal.

Maybe we’re a generation that is spending so much time analyzing the holy grail that is “happiness,” that we inadvertently rob ourselves of it. We overthink it right to death. We wonder about it too much.

Pretty ironic, don’t ya think?

It seems possible that we might be putting a little too much pressure on those two syllables….

“Happy.”

Let’s forget Happy for now.

Instead of Happy, let’s talk Content.

Sounds boring, but it’s not.

Let’s talk about how to find the soul-satisfying, happy kind of Content. The feeling of a job well done, a gift freely given, a day well-lived.

Here are Ashley and Blair’s 7 favorite, time-tested tips for living a content (aka happy) life:

1. Take a moment to stop the Fight-or-Flight impulse. Do it. We’ll wait. How? Use your breath. The secret is to breathe out longer than you breathe in. Breathe in for 3 seconds, pause for 1 second, breath out for 5 seconds. Try it a few times. Do what feels natural. This neat little trick activates your parasympathetic nervous system and is nature’s answer to Valium. Ashley uses it to fall asleep almost every night. Sink into that feeling of contentment and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

2. Admit you cannot be everything to everyone. You will always be a disappointment to someone. Your kids if you’re spending all your time volunteering as the Perfect-PTA mom. Your partner if you’re spending hours making little Bento boxes for the kid who’s cool with a sandwich. Friends if you put your family first. You if you always put everyone else first. Set yourself free by admitting you can’t be everything to everyone. Say it aloud right now, “I cannot be everything to everyone.” Make the Bento box with your kid if they’re interested, and a sandwich if they’re not. Whatever it takes to lessen the guilt trip that is your to-do list.

   I cannot be everything to everyone. #contentment

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3. Stop comparing yourself to other people. That’s a dangerous game! And in this social media crazy culture of ours, it’s the easiest trap to fall into. “She hasn’t aged a day!” As you count your gray hairs. “They’re on another vacation??!” As you can only vaguely recall the weekend getaway you took 11 months ago. The bottom line is, who cares? Don’t worry about the glitzy, filtered lives of others. It’s all a digital illusion anyway (seriously, check this out). Don’t buy into trying to keep up with the Joneses. You rule, just the way you are.

4. Close your mind to open it. It’s hard to be happy if you spend too much time wondering whether or not you are. Stop the wheels upstairs from working overtime and let yourself just be. Finding pleasure in a mind that is at peace is happiness at its very best. Acknowledge your flaws, your setbacks, and your shortcomings for a moment if you must, and then give yourself permission to stop thinking about how it could all be better. What’s better than full acceptance of yourself and your life exactly as is? Not much.

   

5. Take time to do nothing. Yes, you read that right. Not a single thing!! One of my biggest sources of cultural envy is that as Americans we pride ourselves on being busy. We pack our schedules and it makes us feel productive and important. That is, until it makes us feel stressed, depleted and frustrated. Turns out, being busy makes us less productive. Don’t forget to get in touch with your inner italian and remember “Il bel far niente,” the beauty of doing nothing. Your relaxed and rested mind will thank you in spades, and I’m sure whatever you chose not to do will get done in due course. Life will go on if you choose to put things off sometimes. Prioritize taking time off.

6. Don’t fill your free time with things you don’t want to do. It’s hard to say no to people because you’re a nice person. The last thing you want is to hurt someone’s feelings, so you say yes. You say yes to organizing fundraisers, going to dinners, hosting play groups, and going for drinks in the middle of the week. Even when you don’t want to. Even when all you want to do is read a book for 10 minutes a week when you finally get the chance, or get into pj’s early the night before a busy morning. Stop saying yes. It doesn’t make you mean. It gives you a little time to do whatever it is that makes you happy and you deserve it.

   Being happy is not about the chase… unless you really like running.  #happiness

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7. Lose the words that fill you with guilt. I could go to the park with my kids but I should go to that baby shower for the girl I barely know. But I need to work on cleaning out the garage and next is the moldy pile of laundry that’s about to avalanche down my bed. Try this: Kids, the park sounds fun (a book for me and play for you!). Skip the baby shower, you’ll be fine. If you don’t know her middle name or her most embarrassing childhood moment, your attendance will not be missed. Promise. But I feel like I should! See? See all that guilt in those words? Frozen yourself and Let.It.Go.

Being happy is not about the chase – unless you really like running.

Being happy is about finding contentment in the everyday moments of life.

It’s about reaching for more, not wishing for more. ​

Look for ways to increase feelings of healthy satisfaction and decrease stress. Baby steps make all the difference and you can start right now. (Check out The Ultimate Productivity Hacks for Busy Parents over at Kidskintha.com.)

Don’t know where to start?

Reread this article.

You’ve already started. *high five*

If you’re ready…

Ashley & Blair recommend Hands Free Mama, A guide to putting down the phone, burning the to-do list, and letting go of perfection. 

It’s a game changer.  

If you click the book link, we may earn a tiny commission on your purchase. Please know we only suggest products we use and believe in ourselves. 

What’s your favorite tip for living a life that’s content? Share with us in the comments below! ​

The post How to Stop Chasing Happy and Live a Fuller Life Right Now appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

“Civilized” parents plan. A lot. They schedule jokes and wow moments into their daily schedule.

Lazy parents know better.

They know family trips are build character. Here are 3 “truths” lazy parents know, with research to back them up.

1. You need to plan family trips with the children and tell them about the plans well in advance.

Rubbish! Who wants to spend months answering the endless what-when-how and why questions? And dealing with the fears and anxieties? No thanks.

If you want to involve your child into the planning process, do it! But don’t feel obligated. A few days/weeks notice is more than enough. A family briefing first thing in the morning on each day of the trip will give them all the info they need.

Yes, structure and predictability are certainly important to children. Some need more than others. But adaptability is equally as critical. This is something that can’t be learned if they never experience any changes to their routine.

What does this all mean? It means have a bedtime routine, but know you can change it up. Pack a pack n play​, which is one of our favorite items to car-trip with. From playpen to bed, a pack n’ play just makes life easier! 

2. Every single thing should be thought of ahead of time. (From snacks and toilet breaks to bad weather and road closures).

In her article on how to develop character in children through travel, Rachel Denning says to let them “get uncomfortable.” (bootsnall.com).

Get uncomfortable? Imagine that!

Think of what is learned in a situation where one’s needs cannot be immediately met. No snacks at hand? Learn to wait. (No, they won’t starve.) Desperate for a toilet break? Be responsible for listening to your body. (Yes, you should’ve used that bathroom at the last gas station when you were asked to do so!)

The possibilities are endless.

3. Family Trips must be busy and entertaining at all times.

Family holidays are a perfect opportunity to teach vital life (survival) skills. Not just to get lots of candy floss and a nice sun tan.

Great thinkers, from Aristotle to educational psychologist Jean Piaget, advocated experiential learning. (i.e. learning through experience, adventure and action.) They never said that meant 24/7 entertainment. It means diverse experiences with unique teachable moments.

If there’s any advice that is worth using it is this: set expectations and take care of yourself.

The most obvious way to protect your mental health is to set expectations. Make sure the kids know what kind of behavior is appropriate while on family trips and holidays. That is as much as they need to know.

The rest – the uncertainty, mystery and unpredictability – are all part of the fun!

The post A Lazy Parent’s Guide To Great Family Trips appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

(Ok, that’s dramatic. I’m not at all grinchy but I have nursed a long and resentful grudge against the Elf-On-The-Shelf.) I’ve hated it with a fierce eye-rolling passion.

Somehow, this year, that little bastard won me over. Allow me to tell you why.

There was a moment this December when my 7-year-old burst through the door at 8:30pm on a Tuesday night, looking every bit his own person. He was decked out in his cub scout uniform after all…so manly and grown-up.

It hit me. He looks like his own person because he in fact, is. My little guy isn’t so little anymore.

He has his own life to attend to. His own responsibilities, interests, and friends. And it’s going oh-so-fast. Gone is that chubby little toddler that squeezed my hand tight and wandered the neighborhood with me for hours studying anthills. (This is what the ladies in the grocery store are always talking about isn’t it? Now I am really starting to get it.)

He went to bed that night and I found myself wondering (as I set up a date night scene with the elf and Tinkerbell) – how many more magical Christmases are left for him? And for me with him? They are surely slipping away.

For now, he adores that elf. Both of my children do. With a mighty passion. They sprint downstairs looking for it every morning and belly laugh in delight at whatever antics that little pain-in-the-ass has been up to all night.

They will sprinkle reindeer food on the lawn and leave cookies and carrots out on the hearth on Christmas Eve.

They mailed their letters to Santa as we always do, in the special mailbox that we visit downtown. It’s red and says The North Pole in big, scrolly letters.

They believe in Santa. In all of it. They believe in this one miraculous time of year where the world around them becomes the stuff of dreams. It becomes a living childhood fantasy. They buzz with the mystery and excitement of it all.

They still have the incredible ability to believe in impossible things.

For now.

This year, after that moment of seeing my son standing in his little cub scout ensemble, something clicked. I heard the Who’s down in Whoville singing loud and clear.

I felt an unmistakable relief for that fact that he still loves that elf so damn much.

Seeing him fall under the spell of the season, seeing his ability to believe in the absolutely impossible….that creates its own kind of magic.

So, I will hide that pain-in-the-ass elf every night, inventing ridiculous scenes of “mischief”, for as long as my children will have him. And I won’t even flip him off or swear at him anymore. (Or at least not as often.)

Elf is my partner in crime now…I think I might even like him.

For another year, at least.

The post My Christmas Miracle: Why I Stopped Hating Our Elf-On-The-Shelf appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

To be honest, I’ve never been much of a rule breaker. Actually, my one and probably only moment of rebellion was in high school when I wrote my name on a desk and got caught.

Obviously, I wasn’t following Picasso’s advice. Why would I even write my name and leave it behind as proof? Not the smartest way to break the rules, right?

Once I became a mom and read all of the parenting books front and back, I became a “pro” at what I thought was going excel at. Little did I know that motherhood was going to slap me in the face, or maybe it was karma for writing on that desk. Anyway, in an attempt to survive this parenting thing, I decided to start breaking all the rules.

So listen up parents! We’re about to embrace our inner Evel Knievel and start breaking some rules!

​

#1 Sleeping

If your child was born with I Sleep Whenever I Want Syndrome, then you’re probably just like me. You tried every single trick in the book to get them to sleep. After many, many (my lord, many) sleepless nights, I decided to close the parenting books and try to get her to sleep on my terms.

I dismissed all of the advice given to me by the older women in my family and decided to have my baby sleep on me. (FYI, it’s ok to dismiss your family’s advice. After all, it is your child.) So, she slept on me. As in on top of my painful, lactating boobs.

But guess what? She slept and I did too.

And surprisingly, the only person on board with my decision was the pediatrician. My warmth, smell and heart beat put her in the deepest of sleeps. She finally slept Sleeping Beauty style, drool and all. Of course, I got all the slack in the world whenever I shared my sleeping strategies with my family, but oh well! 

#2 Healthy Foods

Even though I happen to be married to an amazing professional chef (score!) and my kids are probably the best fed kids on the block, sometimes I just have to call for help. As in the Chinese food delivery guy.

That’s what you do when Friday night rolls around and you’ve worked like a donkey all week. Wave the white flag!

When my husband is at the restaurant, my kids are filthy, and there’s nothing in the fridge but a pile of cheese and some orange juice, I make the call. I kick the piles of toys to the side and admit that I can’t do it all.

That’s just what you have to do. Unless you’re freaking June Cleaver or Martha Stewart. Then I guess you whip up a healthy, nutritious dinner without complaining. But I’m neither, so delivery it is!

#3 TV Time

Whoever made up this rule about limiting TV time for a certain amount of time a day clearly had no kids. I do agree that too much TV is not good for anyone, especially children. But so is having an overwhelmed, soon-to-be-crazy parent!

TV can save a busy parent’s ass. When you haven’t showered in two days, have 4 piles of laundry to do and dinner still needs to be made and served, TV it is. Those are the times when sweet Jesus you just need them to sit down, watch a show and chill so that you can get stuff done.

Also, it has saved them from killing each other when they get extremely bored.

#4 Ignoring Tantrums

I’ve learned how to choose my battles with tantrums. If they happen at home, I wish her good luck, put my headphones on and go about my day. But sometimes, tantrums just can’t be ignored.

For example, when they strike in the middle of the produce section at the grocery store.

I know, vegetables bore you to death, I also know that you’re probably sleepy and hungry. But that doesn’t mean that you’re going to ruin everyone else’s trip to the store. You are not going to throw the mother of all tantrums in public. Even though that sweet lady smiled at us and gave us an “understanding” look. I know deep down inside she was just judging my parenting.

Also, I really need to finish my shopping so that there’s more than orange juice and cheese in my fridge! So here I am, stuck with a wailing kid in between the broccoli and the brussel sprouts. So, I bribe her (which I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to do). It usually takes as little as a piece of chocolate to calm her down. If that doesn’t work, then I pull out the big guns. She gets a one dollar bill.

Yep, I even bribe them with money…

#5 Don’t Yell

Well, it might be good in theory. BUT. Not always so grounded in reality. So, sometimes I yell.

When they’re still eating breakfast in pj’s and it’s 20 minutes until the bus is supposed to pick them up. And their food is half eaten because they are too busy talking about how awesome some disney show is to chew. Oh, and they still need to brush their teeth and get dressed and packed. Then….I yell.

When they’ve asked me two hundred and seventy three times if they can eat that third piece of candy. After I’ve said no every. single. time. Then…I yell.

When they keep busting the bathroom door open and all I want is to pee alone. Maybe even change my tampon without having to explain to why mommy is shoving that weird looking pen up her vajayjay. Then…I yell. Do you get me?

I’m blaming Picasso if this doesn’t work out.

The post Survive Parenthood By Breaking All The Rules appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

It’s about kids and gun safety. Oh, and playdates.

With the recent mass shooting in San Bernardino, California, conversations have flared about gun violence in the US.

Americans have the right to bear arms.

Got it.

American has gun control.

Sort of.

Honestly, we’re kinda out of control. But that’s a discussion for another day.

While we’re all running around getting ready for the holidays and school vacay, a few reminders about gun safety seemed smart, while not quite of the ’tis the season variety.

If your kid is at someone’s house, it’s your job to know if there’s a gun in the house.

Better safe than sorry.

Check out The Question I Ask Before Any Playdate and lead by example.

Yeah, it’s an uncomfortable conversation. But it’s one that many parents wish they had.

And while we’re at it:

Before we talk about gun control, “crazy” people, and mass shootings with your children, start with some basic facts.

1. Yes, criminals will still find guns. Or pipe bombs. Or whatever crazy people have access to. But, restricting that access makes it harder to gain access. That’s the point. Gun Control does not mean an end to right to bear arms. Seriously, the right to bear arms (however hotly contested it is) is here to stay. It’s about not making it so easy for someone to walk in and buy an Uzi.
2. Gun-owning Americans support stricter gun control.
3. The recent San Bernardino shooters had access to purchase guns and ammo that could “plow through walls.” Seriously, folks? Is the deer that strong when you’re hunting that you need to shoot through a wall first?

Don’t let your FB peeps use ignorance as a shield from facts and debate.

There will always be crazy people with guns. But if we take away the right to own a gun designed to kill large numbers of people, that’ll make it a whole lot harder to get your hands on one.

Maybe that starts with gun shows. Or stricter background checks. Or longer waiting periods. I don’t know… but I do know every parents needs to get behind doing something.

Revised gun control is a good thing. It means, if done properly, those crazy-killing-machine-guns won’t be in your kid’s best friend’s house.

If we could eliminate half the deaths by firearms in the USA, shouldn’t we?

It’s something to think about.

In the meantime, don’t forget to ask what the gun situation is before your child visits anyone else’s house.

That includes family.

Happy holidaying… and stay safe! Warm wishes and see you next week.

Kids and gun safety matter. Let’s make sure our kids know just how much they matter.

The post ’Tis the Season for the Question That Can Save Your Child’s Life appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

The calendar looks harmless. It’s even kind of attractive at times. Colorful dry-erase marks decorate almost every square.

Each color represents the most important things in the world to me.

Herein lies the complicated matrix we refer to as The Family Calendar.

Blue is for my husband. Purple is for my older daughter. Pink is for my littlest lady. Orange represents the whole family, and every now and then, some green makes it on the calendar too.

Green is my favorite color.

Green is Me-Time.

This month, there are four green items. All of them are doctor’s appointments or meetings. Buzzkill, but I’ll take it.

The seeds of The Family Calendar TFC) came about as a marital adjustment phase. My husband and I are both teachers. It’s the kind of job that can easily take over your life (in case you haven’t heard).

Like many of our colleagues, we spent hours at the school grading, planning, prepping. And then we had our social lives to consider. We are people too after all.

Both of us had things we enjoyed doing. He liked playing in his band and drinking beer. I liked running and naps. We started to struggle with working in time for “us.”

And then we had a baby.

Time was now the ultimate commodity. No one had any, and everybody wanted more. 

Enter the refrigerator whiteboard, soon to be The Family Calendar. 

I bought the magnetic calendar for less than $10. I had high hopes when first I unwrapped it.

I thought it would help my husband really see how much he got to do. I thought it would level the uneven playing field that had made its way into our lives since we became parents.

The life where “Me-Time” seemed like a forgotten day dream, but he still had his “fun.” Me-Time seemed as fanciful as finding myself saddled upon a unicorn ready for a trip to the moon.

I expected the TFC would give me an opportunity to make some Me-Time plans. It was a rocky start. I’d jot down my “Drinks at 7:00” on a Friday night and my husband would say, “Oh. I meant to write down that my band has a gig that Friday.”

So we started a whoever-gets-there-first policy.

You forget to write it down, it doesn’t exist, so just pray no one else lays claim to it before you remember.

This phase of the TFC was one of the toughest. It nearly caused me to throw in the TFC towel (and/or contemplate asking my doctor for Xanax).

I would have such anxiety over the possibilities of an empty week. I just knew it was going to fill up with everyone else’s stuff before I had a chance to make any plans. I would stand in the kitchen, paper towel in my hand, furtively checking over my shoulder. I was sure I would find him standing behind me, blue marker uncapped, ready to pounce.

Me-Time is still especially scarce. With baby number two came a regression in the amount of green our calendar carries. This time, I see things differently.

During the first drought of green there seemed to be nothing but blue as far as the eye could see, and it scared me. I couldn’t be sure green would ever come again. This time around, I know this is just a phase.

It’s a small part of a long life.

Armed with this hard-won wisdom, I’ve found peace. I am satisfied, delighted even, with seeing more oranges, purples, and pinks than green. I know there will come a time when I can start plugging myself back in and rounding out our family rainbow.

The TFC approach to scheduling a family is not for everyone. I know many families who fly by the seat of their pants. I know some that let one person take the lead on telling everyone else where they’re going and when.

(Most families call this person “Mom” I’m told).

I know many other families who would think, “Smartphones, and whiteboards, and markers? Oh, my!”

But for my busy family, this is what works.

It’s the secret to keeping this house humming. It’s a system I often loath but can’t imagine doing without.

The post Me-Time? What’s That? Try This Calendar to Get Your Share. appeared first on Lies About Parenting.