Is It Time For a Toy Cleanse?

Are you tired of tripping over toys or having too many toys in your home that your child doesn't even play with? Then it's time for a toy cleanse.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of toys your child has accumulated, it may be time for a toy cleanse. This process can help simplify your child's toy collection, making it easier for them to engage in deeper play and reducing clutter in your home. In this article, we'll walk you through the steps to do a toy cleanse, using the Simplicity Parenting Toy List as a guide.

Simplifying your child's toy collection, bedroom, and/or playroom doesn't require squirreling away toys when your kids aren't watching or yelling and screaming that there's too much stuff. (I've done both!) 

Once I discovered Simplicity Parenting and the Simplicity Parenting Toy List, I learned to reap the benefits of the Waldorf educational model that encourages children to explore and engage in imaginative play.  

After years of simply moving clutter around, a this toy cleanse provided me with a variety of multi-use toys that sparked imagination, deeper play, and a happier, healthier home.

Bonus: There is no more screaming about the house being a pigsty. 

I wrote the original toy cleanse article over five years, when my daughter was almost five years sold. In 2023, it was time for an update, and so this article was born. 

The page is new in 2023, but the information is not. This post contains the information about the original toy cleanse, with before and after photos, as well as a 2023 (five years later!) update. Enjoy!

A Step-By-Step Toy Cleanse Guide

Step 1: Explain the Toy Cleanse to Your Child

Sit down with your child and explain that you want to simplify their toy collection so they can enjoy their toys more and move around their room more easily. Assure them that you're not getting rid of everything, but rather, you'll be creating a list of their favorite toys to keep. This conversation is important as it helps your child feel involved in the process and less anxious about the changes.

Step 2: Create a List of Your Child's

Favorite Toys

Have your child make a list of their favorite toys. Do this away from any visible toys to avoid any impulse additions to the list. If your child is hesitant to make a list, prompt them by asking what their favorite toys are. The goal here is to have a concise list of toys that your child loves and plays with often.

Step 3. Promote thoughtful additions

to the toy list

Prompt your child to include some toys you know they love that might not be top of mind. These could include toys like building blocks, stuffed animals, musical instruments, and more. It's essential to be mindful of not including toys that they rarely play with. Remember that the goal here is to simplify and streamline their toy collection.

Step 4: Create a Toy List

The Simplicity Parenting Toy List is a great resource to help you determine what toys to keep. This list includes high-quality, open-ended toys that encourage imaginative play and creativity. The list is designed to help reduce clutter in your home, promote deeper play, and foster stronger connections between family members. The list includes items like dolls, dress-up clothes, musical instruments, and art supplies, among others.

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The Toy Cleanse Planner Worksheet

plus the occasional life-changing parenting tip or trick! 

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Step 5: Sort, Remove, and Store Toys

Once you have your list of toys, it's time to sort through your child's toy collection. Use black trash bags to sort through toys and reduce the risk of your child asking for a toy that has already been set aside. Place the toys that you're keeping in a box or bin, and store them out of sight. Make sure to keep them accessible, so your child can access them easily whenever they want to play.

Step 6: Donate Unwanted Toys

Rather than throwing away unwanted toys, consider donating them to a local charity or shelter. This not only helps declutter your home but also provides toys for children who may not have access to them otherwise. Remember to only donate toys that are in good condition and can be enjoyed by others.

Afraid You'll Miss The Toys?

Pro Tip!

If you're worried about permanently parting with stuff during a toy cleanse, box them up in stackable, opaque (not see-through) containers and store them away. Then you have them if you need them! 

The process of doing a toy cleanse can be overwhelming, but the benefits are worth it.

By simplifying your child's toy collection, you create a calmer and more intentional living space for your family.

And involving your child in the process and explaining why you're doing it, you can help them adjust to the changes and feel empowered in the decision-making process.

If you follow the steps outlined above, and you'll be well on your way to a simpler, more intentional home.

Final Thoughts On A Toy Cleanse

Involving your child in the process of purging their toys can be beneficial. Sit down with your child and explain that you want them to enjoy their things and move in their room. Then ask them to help you make a list of their favorite toys.

Be sure to do this away from any visible toys, so they don't add unnecessary items to the list. And encourage them to choose high-quality, fun items that allow them to engage in imaginative play.

By cleansing your home of excess toys, you can create a more intentional life for your family, where your child can engage in deeper play for longer periods of time.

After doing this for years, I can promise you that a toy cleanse every now and then makes life easier, calmer, and much more enjoyable!

Remember to keep only high-quality, fun items that allow your child to explore and engage in imaginative play. The Simplicity Parenting Toy List is an excellent resource that can help you and your child simplify your playroom and your life.

Ready to Start The Toy Cleanse?

Now that you know what a toy cleanse is, it's time to get started! 

• Get a copy of our Toy Cleanse Planner below, which helps you stay inspired and stick to your toy cleanse goals. 
• Check out the Simplicity Parenting Toy List if you're ready to shop. 
• Leave a comment about your toy cleanse! We'd love to hear about your experience. 

Let us send you a copy of

The Toy Cleanse Planner Worksheet

plus the occasional life-changing parenting tip or trick! 

Send It!

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The post How to Do a Toy Cleanse: A Step-by-Step Guide to Simplifying Your Child’s Toy Collection appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

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Books On Death For Preschoolers Are Hard To Find

So we set out to find some of the best books on death for preschoolers.

Maybe it's because Death is a tough subject, and one we too often want to avoid. Saying, "We go to Heaven", is a lot easier than trying to explain something we might not fully understand ourselves.

And it's sad. Even if the person or creature lived a full lifetime, or your child is just naturally curious about death, dying is a sad, difficult subject to discuss.

The last thing we want to do as a parent is to make our kids sad, or worse, traumatize them with the wrong words.

But when your preschooler starts insisting on answers to questions like the following, it's time to offer them some age-appropriate information and discussion.

Below you'll find our favorite books on death for preschoolers. We've worked hard to find the most helpful and well-written books, but our Winner is the one we recommend you purchase first.

WINNER: Books On Death For Preschoolers

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way To Explain Death To Children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen is the one we know and love the most. In the meantime, keep reading to understand what your preschooler needs from you when talking about death and dying.

Death is not the happiest subject, but great books on death for preschoolers set the groundwork for answering questions in an age-appropriate manner.

Runner-Ups: Books On Death For Preschoolers

These other books come highly recommended and are very well-rated.

Start with The Invisible String if you're not ready to talk about lifetimes (remembering that if your child is asking, they are ready). The book introduces children to the idea that a mother and child can be connected, even when they're apart.

I ordered the book and waited. When it arrived, I read through it before my daughter could see it.

It's a good idea to this with any book, but especially ones with heavy topics like grief. 

Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children

$16.00 $9.39

Buy Now Our Review

03/20/2026 12:20 am GMT

The Invisible String

$9.99 $6.99

Buy Now Our Review

03/20/2026 12:21 am GMT

The Memory Box: A Book About Grief

$16.99 $10.37

Buy Now Our Review

03/20/2026 12:21 am GMT

God Gave Us Heaven

$11.99 $6.49

Buy Now Our Review

03/20/2026 12:21 am GMT

Get The Book

Get it on Amazon now. 

The post Best Books On Death For Preschoolers appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

My Job Is About Respecting Boundaries And Consent

There comes a moment during small talk with someone new in when they ask what I do for a living.

I have to immediately size this person up to see how deep they want to go. 

Will I give the easy “stay-at-home-mom” response that leads to more chit-chat about my children? Or do I dive in, head first, and say what I really do – but risk a totally awkward and abrupt end to the conversation? 

“I write books on consent for children.”

The sentence is rather mild but for many, consent and sexuality go hand in hand. This means I just mentioned SEX and KIDS during our polite small talk. Oh, the horror!  

What I really do is write books on respecting boundaries but that always leads us back to “consent.”  Hear me out:

The Definition of “Consent”:

Consent is a person’s voluntary agreement for some action to occur.

But we have made the word “consent” mean nothing more than an agreement to have sex. And we have cross-linked the word “consent” to sexual acts that have occurred without permission. And this is all about a breakdown in respecting boundaries another person sets. 

Consent = Respecting Boundaries

Consent is much more than one’s decision to have sex. It is the knowledge that we are important and that our feelings matter. It is the understanding and awareness of respecting boundaries another person sets.

Now, who could argue with these types of books for children? (You’d be surprised.)

So What Is Consent (and Respecting Boundaries)?

1. Consent Is Setting And Respecting Boundaries

Respecting boundaries and consent happen on a physical and emotional level.

Consent is setting and respecting boundaries, for yourself and others.  

Consent, for children, is easily modeled with the example that a child is allowed to refuse a hug from someone. This action that may have previously seemed rude or disrespectful is now understood by most parents to be a healthy expression of a child’s needs. 

But consent also includes teaching your child that he is allowed to speak up when he is uncomfortable with how he is being treated. 

It’s Physical AND Emotional

Developing and respecting boundaries extend to more than a person’s body and empowering your children to voice their opinions on physical and emotional boundaries, we are raising children to know they are important. 

Note: These are ideas that will carry over as your child matures and searches for positive friendships and healthy romantic relationships. BIG STUFF!

2. Consent Is Inviting Your Child To Speak Up

Each conversation regarding boundaries is an invitation for your son or daughter to open up about a situation in which he or she was uncomfortable. Boundaries are fluid and ever-changing as your child matures and decides how he wants to be treated.

With young children, we can model respectful boundary-setting as we request our own privacy when using the bathroom or changing clothes. As children mature, we establish an expectation of respect with simple actions such as knocking before entering their room. Each interaction that involves respect is modeling behavior that we want our children to expect from others. 

What Happens If You Don’t Respect Boundaries?

When you don’t respect their consent,  your child is left feeling disrespected.

They need to know that they can come to you. Initiating conversations about boundaries with your children opens the door for them to speak up about an event they may be keeping inside due to the shame and fear they are feeling. 

Tip: Read this great article on why kids don’t tell. 

3. Consent Is Teaching YOUR Child To Take “No” For An Answer

In a society where winning is everything and determination is revered, respectful boundary-setting and consent is teaching our children that people around us have different boundaries and it’s okay for them to set those boundaries. 

As parents, we teach our children how to say “no” but how often are we talking to them about how to respect the “no’s” we receive? 

The Half Of The Conversations We Ignore

Understanding the boundaries of others is half the battle when it comes to consent. And frankly, it’s the half of the conversation that usually gets ignored. 

Food For Thought: Are we talking to children about how to truly respect others… or are we just teaching them how to avoid dangerous situations?

Consent Is About More Than Sex – It’s Respecting Boundaries

Consent is much more than a conversation about sex. It is teaching children that everyone has the right to their own boundaries and what they can do if those boundaries are disrespected.

To learn more about teaching boundaries to children, Child Mind has a great article here.  

Let’s Recap

You can duplicate this section and use it in multiple places on your sales page.

• Consent is about respecting boundaries, emotionally and physically. As in a child doesn’t have to hug if they don’t want to.
• Consent encourages respecting boundaries by defining them. Private bathroom time and knocking before entering are two ways we can model good behavior.
• Consent is learning how to take “no” and not just give it. If we want our boundaries to be respected, we need to respect others. And that starts with accepting a “no”, no questions asked. 

I could say that I write books on respecting boundaries and not ruin the friendly banter at a six-year-old’s birthday party. 

But that’s not what I’m really doing. What I’m really doing is teaching kids how to be good humans. I’ll take the awkward small talk to make that happen. 

Get More Consent

If you want to continue the conversation about respecting boundaries and consent, check out Lauren’s books on Amazon.

A Parent’s Guide To Consent

This book is intended to separate the topics of consent and sexual activity, in order to make consent a topic that can be learned at any age. The lessons in this book will help guide conversations to ensure that you are able to inform and/or support your child if their boundaries are disrespected. Get it on Amazon.

Before Sexuality Is A Topic

My Body is My Own will open young minds to the idea of boundaries and consent long before sexuality is a topic. This picture book is perfect for talking about respectful boundaries, their own and others. Get it on Amazon. 

The post 3 Keys To Teaching Consent And Respecting Boundaries appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

“Play with me!” Do you struggle with parent child playtime?

Does your child beg you to play with them?

And you play, but spend the whole time thinking about all the stuff you should/want/could be doing? 

Or maybe they’ve stopped asking for playtime, because you’re always busy? 

That was our house for awhile. With working from home, schooling from home, and managing life in such a crazy time, it felt like there was no time. But Dr. Noah Charney, professor and dad of two, has a strategy that makes playtime magical – and manageable. 

We’ve been doing this at home and it works. 

Keep reading for Noah’s awesome strategy on how to spend quality time with your kids while still making time for yourself. 

The 15-Minute Parent Child Playtime Rule

At a recent event I hosted, three early childhood specialists, who did not agree on much, all agreed on this: a 15-minute rule. Every day, for at least 15 minutes, parents should spend time playing with their kids. 

But here’s the catch: The child gets to choose what to play during parent child playtime. If they want to play with Legos, great. Hide-and-seek? Super. Read a story, stare at the clouds, manufacture a mud pie? All good. 

Let the kids choose and engage 100%, with no distractions. 

Which means:  PUT YOUR PHONE IN ANOTHER ROOM – ON SILENT. 

Fifteen minutes of unadulterated adult-child interaction can feel impossible for even the most well-meaning parents. We’re tired, stressed, overworked, too-often underpaid – and we want a say in what we play. 

Do I Have To Play What They Want?

Yes. Our kids’ brains don’t need us to tell them what to play. Experts insist that this parent child playtime is of the child’s choosing AND with few to no educational elements. If you’re playing with numbered blocks, don’t throw in, “What number is this?” too often, or it feels like work to the kids.

The pure bliss of doing what the kids want is an excellent gift for young children who crave and need the love, comfort, and attention of their parents. Your bliss is they’ll stop begging and be more connected to you. Win-win!

How Much Time Should I Spend Playing With My Child?

Ideally, at least 15 minutes. 

If you have more than 15, you can choose a game first, but only if you are rewarding them with 15 minutes of play they get to choose after your time is up. 

Any time is good (it’s putting away the phones and screens and connecting that matters), but aim for 15 minutes of child’s choice first. Here’s how:

15 Minutes Or Less of Parent Child Playtime

Take 15 minutes and the kids to choose how they’ll spend their time with you. 

-Your child chooses what to play – say yes!

-Put your phone in another room 

-Really engage and get involved

-Don’t ask too many educational questions (preferable, don’t ask any)

More Than 15 Minutes of Playtime

With an extra few minutes we parents can strike the balance of doing one activity that the kids choose, and one that the grownups want. 

-Start with a few minutes (up to 15) of an activity that the parents pick that is more educational. Don’t ask too many questions! 

-Follow it up with the reward of 15 minutes of pure-play (see 15 minutes or less for tips)

5 Reasons 15 Minutes Of Uninterrupted Playtime Works

1

15 Minutes Of Playtime Is Doable

That 15-minute timeframe pops up frequently, from the length of TED talks to Jamie Oliver’s recipes, and there is something to it. It feels like a finite, feasible, and digestible amount of time to focus on something, even something you might not feel like doing. Anyone can dedicate just 15 minutes to something that’s good for them or those they love. At the same time, more extended periods might give us pause, feel more like a commitment. 

2

15 Minutes of Playtime Is Enough

Neuroscientists recommend 15 minutes as a reasonable amount of time to focus on any one task or learning a new skill. It’s also long enough to feel like you’re getting something done. To say, “okay, we’ll spend 8 minutes doing this” feels miserly. Fifteen minutes is particularly useful for children’s interactions because it feels generous to them and easy for parents. 

3

15 Minutes Is Not Too Long

There are a lot of books and programs out there that use minutes in the title. It’s appealing to audiences, as advertisers know well. Numbers are more appealing (“9 Discount Holidays,” “33 Rules for the Art World,” “Five Easy Steps to Rock-Hard Abs”) because our expectations are defined. Each year I teach a one-day workshop for the London School of Public Relations on writing for PR and advertising, and this is a crucial lesson.

4

TED Does It!

The best-known product of the “15-minute school” is TED and its infectious, fantastic brand of inspiring talks. It has become a household name by focusing on short, engaging presentations of a single big idea. I’ve done a few TED talks and a TED-Ed animated video, making an art form out of being concise. The discussions are around 15 minutes each (the official maximum length is 18 minutes). Their point is that 15 minutes should be all you need to make a compelling argument and convey a single powerful idea. 

5

Every Age Can Handle 15 Minutes

As a professor used to 45-minute lectures or (heaven forbid) 90-minute slots, I know that longer talks do not necessarily make for better ones. We tend to fill out the time with additional examples when one or three would suffice, and get more theoretical, include more history, and expand upon the core idea. 

People learn and remember what they learned better in short spurts. And that is talking about adults who are interested enough to voluntarily click on a TED talk on a subject that sparks their curiosity. When it comes to children, very young children, the timeframe must be reduced to accommodate attention spans.

I Wrote A Book About It

This parent child playtime approach is one that I develop in my book, Superpower Your Kids: A Professor’s Guide to Teaching Your Children Everything in Just 15 Minutes a Day.

​I toyed with subtitling this book A Professor’s Guide to Teaching Children Everything in As Little as 1 Minute a Day, but that sounded like too much of a promise. It raised my inner skeptic – and I know it works. Fifteen minutes a day feels realistic as a daily commitment and time in which something can be taught. Also, proper bonding during playtime can occur.

Quality Time With You Kids Means Putting The Screens Away

A key is that this time, even a short parent child playtime, is proactive and focused, that you are as close as possible to 100% mentally engaged with your kids when interacting.

Engaged means that the TV is not on in the background (though music is okay). It mostly means that your phone is nowhere within view. Too often, parents convince themselves they are playing when what they’re doing is sitting next to their kids while scrolling through their phones. 

Dr. James Charney, a child psychiatrist, and professor at Yale University (hi, Dad!), points out that kids will know when you’re pretending to play with dolls but actually watching the Red Sox game on TV in the background. He says,

“Even when we decide to spend quality time with our kids, we may easily be distracted by the things grownups think about—whether worries or enthusiasms—in part because frankly, often activities kids want to do are boring to grownups. And kids are really good at knowing when you are distracted. You can’t fool them.”

How To Play With Your Child And Make It Count

01 Set Aside A Reasonable Amount of Time

Choosing 15 minutes is not as important as choosing an amount of time that feels doable every day. You can always increase the time in the future.

02 Make It A Daily Practice

Consistency is key to successful parent child play. If you need to shorten the time you spend playing with your child in order to make time every day, do it. What matters is doing it daily, or as close as you can get. As a parent, do NOT stress about this, and if you miss a day, just pick it back up the next day). 

03 Put. The. Screens. Away.

Phone in another room, tv off. Music if you both enjoy it. 

Two Parent Child Playtime Examples

What 15 Minutes Of Playtime Looks Like

Put your phone in another room, turn the tv off, and ask your child what they would like to play. 

Say yes and let them lead the free play.

Don’t offer alternatives play options – it’s 15 minutes, you’ll live. 

Play!

What More Than 15 Minutes Looks Like

You have a bit more time today to play so first, you choose a book to read aloud. 

You read a story, maybe explain a new word, or ask them what they would do. 

And after your time is up, your child gets to choose their free play with you. 

(Put the screens away!)

If You’re Playing More Than 15 Minutes

You, the parent, do NOT get to choose what to play if you’re playing for less than 15 minutes. This is NOT optional and if you don’t have time to do both of your choices, let the child choose and skip the educational part. 

Get involved, but don’t teach too much! Dad says,

“Keep it active—don’t just observe them doing something. Be part of it. 

When storytime is over, suggest they draw a picture or make a comic book from the story. 

If this is still within your 15 minutes, then you keep involved by drawing something yourself, or by sitting with them and commenting on the drawing that they are making.” 

It’s Just 15 Minutes 

We parents often say we’d do anything for our kids, and if push came to shove, we would. But sometimes even a short parent child playtime session feels like work. Less time and more engagement are better than more time and distraction. 

Take 15 minutes today or tomorrow and give it a try. Put your phone in another room and ask what your child wants to play. 

Then, play. 

I promise you’ll come to depend and crave the free play as much as your child does. And the upside is no one will be begging you, “Play with me!” because you already do. 

As Dad likes to say, “Be with them, fully, and the time will fly, giving you both shared moments to build on and remember.”

The post How To Have The Best Parent Child Playtime (Right Now) appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

Today I wanted to show you how I taught my child her phone number. It takes about one minute to set up and is pretty much hands-off (on your part) after that. I hope you find it helpful!

Kids need to know essential names and numbers, like the primary phone number, address, and last name. Our daughter wants to learn these critical facts, but she could never remember her phone number.

People learn in many different ways, but kids tend to learn primarily through doing. Very simply, kids need to touch something they’re interested in to learn. It’s not until kids are older that they can think in abstract terms (aka in their heads). 

Which can make teaching a random string of digits, like a phone number, hard.

How Kids Learn

At 5-years-old, she is becoming a reading/writing learner, but learns best through touch and manipulation.

This theory of tactile (touch) learning is why kids at Montessori schools tend to excel at math. Numbers are assigned a physical item to represent them. As a Montessori advocate, I knew one thing:

If I could find a hands-on way to teach my child a phone number, she would remember it. 

Every child will develop a unique learning style as they grow, but when teaching a young children a phone number, you need something they can touch.

The two keys to getting my child to memorize her phone number are: 

• The information has to be interesting, because you remember it if you’re interested in it.
• We needed numbers she could touch (tactile).

But how do you make ten random numbers enjoyable, in a fast and easy way?

I tried writing out the numbers, playing memory games, and telling her how important it is that she be able to reach me. The “this is serious” angle worked for her street address, but she made little to no progress in remembering my phone number.

She could remember parts of my phone number, but if we didn’t practice every day the numbers slipped away.

Side note: We haven’t had a primary home phone in years. Her dad and I decided she would learn my phone number first since I’m the one responsible for her schedule.

I was frustrated, but a phone number to call in the case of an emergency is essential.

This Tech Hack Solved It

Within three tries, my daughter remembered her phone number. Within 24 hours, she was able to recite it from memory.

Our daughter watches a show or two on my iPad every day (we don’t have a television set). She usually watches an episode of Mr. Rogers or Octonauts, and then we turn it off. Too much tv isn’t good for anybody, but I love sweet shows in moderation!

We’ve always had a 4 or 6-digit passcode on the iPad, and our phones. Last year, an iPad/iPhone upgrade allowed 6-digit passcodes. I tried to teach my daughter the last six digits of my phone number. But it didn’t work because she could never remember the missing four numbers.

 Then I stumbled across the “Set Custom Code” setting on the iPad. If I could enter the whole phone number, I bet she could remember it!

I changed the passcode to my full, 10-digit phone number and told it to her TWO TIMES, as she was logging in.

​My only follow-through (and I think this was key) was to tell her she had to learn her digits to get into the iPad to watch her daily show.

Bam! Number memorized.

Now that she has memorized the phone number needed to access what interested her (her shows), I randomly ask her to repeat my phone number. The first couple times she reached for the iPad, and I let her so that she could visualize and touch the numbers.

But as she internalized the number, we stopped reaching for the iPad to see the keypad.

I keep asking her to say my phone number (so she’ll remember it’s a phone, and not just the iPad code).

It worked! We’re planning on making one passcode my phone number and another her dad’s. 

Keeping reading for directions and video tutorials on how to teach your child their phone number using a custom passcode on a smartphone or tablet.

Instructions For Teaching Phone Numbers On Tablets/Smartphones

I’ve made a quick video of how to set a custom code on an iPad or iPhone. I’ve linked to resources for setting custom passcodes on other devices at the end of the page.

Here’s a screenshot video with a voiceover:

Here’s a video of me on the iPad, setting up the passcode:

Instructions

iPhone & iPad

Here are the instructions for setting a phone number as a custom passcode on an iPhone or iPad, in order to teach your child their phone number. 

1. Click ‘Settings’
2. Scroll down to ‘Passcode’ (iPad) or ‘Touch ID & Passcode’ (iPhone)
3. Enter current passcode
4. Select ‘Change Passcode’
5. Enter current passcode
6. Tap ‘Passcode Options’
7. Select ‘Custom Numeric Code’
8. Enter the phone number you wish to teach your child.
9. Tap ‘Next’
10. Re-enter phone number to verify
11. Tap ‘Done’*

*NOTE: I noticed that both the iPad and iPhone kept the wheel spinning after I tapped ‘Done’. I checked this multiple times and it did change the passcode, even though there is no notification of successful change. Just test it after a few seconds by locking and unlocking your device. 

Other Devices

Here are some links to setting custom passcodes on other commonly used devices:

• Samsung Galaxy
• Note
• Kindle Fire

Bonus Safety Feature

Best of all, there’s a touch-based backup plan that she can access anywhere! If she’s ever scared or nervous and can’t remember the phone number, she can ask a safe adult to look at the keypad of a phone. 

Now that she’s off to preschool, playdates, and sleepovers, it’s crucial she know how to reach me if she needs me. 

Learning her phone number via a custom iPad passcode did the trick! 

Please take a moment to share if you found this helpful! 

The post How To Instantly Teach Your Child Their Phone Number appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

Giving Feels So Good It Hurts

Two years ago, I was moved by a video where children from low-income families had to choose between a gift for themselves or one for their parents.

Watch it:

[video_page_section type=”youtube” position=”default” image=”” btn=”light” heading=”Amazing, selfless kids! ” subheading=”” cta=”” video_width=”1080″ hide_related=”true” hide_logo=”false” hide_controls=”false” hide_title=”false” hide_fullscreen=”false”]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnZfRh_7tzw[/video_page_section]

These children chose a gift for their parents over one for themselves. Are you crying yet? It’s so sweet it hurts. 

At the end of the day, these kids willingly give up their dream Christmas gift, just so they can give their caregiver a present. Tears, I have tears!

So I came up with a list of simple ways to encourage the spirit of giving this holiday season.  

1. Salvation Army Santa: Next time you see a Santa collecting donations give your child a couple of dollars to drop into the collections plate.

2. Christmas toy drive: Let your child select a toy the next time you’re shopping to donate to the local toy drive.

3. Baking: Bake and distribute holiday cookies and other treats to people in your community. (Ashley and her family deliver home-baked cookies to their local fire station.)

4. Suggesting gifts: Have them help you pick out a gift for a sibling or another family member.

5. Stocking stuffers: If you hang stockings by the mantle have your children help you stuff them with treats for others.

These are little things that children can feel good about.

Kickstart the holiday season with these easy Christmas spirit ideas.

Jolly Old Nick is the embodiment of the holiday season not because of the magic sled nor the flying reindeer, but because he gives without expecting to receive.

The post 5 Easy Christmas Spirit Ideas To Encourage Giving appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

However, it can be difficult not to fall into the gender trap when shopping for kids.

Boys like trucks and anything pink is just for girls, right? Well, no actually. These days, kids and parents alike are demanding a more conscientious approach, and the retail industry is responding by providing some great gender non-conforming options.

Check out the rest of this post for awesome gift ideas!

Toys For Both Genders

Gender neutral toys (toys for both genders) are a great option if you aren’t sure what kind of gift to buy. Items such as puzzles, building sets, board games, or arts and crafts supplies are all great choices and promote problem solving and creativity. This award winning Magnetic Stick N Stack building set is guaranteed for provide hours of fun and imagination!

For the budding artist, try a starter art set like this bestseller by Crayola. The set includes 140 pieces and is a great price at under $20, so you’ll have enough change to throw in this awesome coloring book, Girls Are Not Chicks by Jacinta Bunnell and Julie Novak.

Another awesome and inexpensive choice for younger kids is modeling wax. Like Playdoh, it’s a great manipulative that will stimulate young minds (and hands!). Unlike Playdoh, modeling wax made doesn’t dry out. Combine this modeling wax with a few inexpensive wooden peg people to dress up in wax outfits and you’ve got a gift hit! 

Musical Ideas

While musical instruments may require some noise tolerance, they make for fun gender neutral toys and come in a wide array of age appropriate choices. This xylophone is the perfect choice for toddlers and young children and comes with an eagle whistle (but sorry, ear plugs are sold separately!)  

If you’re shopping for a slightly older child, consider this ukulele in a fun aqua color, and add in a play book or lesson.

Do you know an aspiring drummer? You can find some inexpensive options for drums sets, like this Mendini drum set or this simple Remo tom drum.

Books, Books and More Books

Books can also fall into the gender neutral category, depending on the theme, and they can help convey gender and stereotype busting narratives. Research it carefully beforehand to ensure it doesn’t feed into gender stereotypes. Red: A Crayon’s Story written and illustrated by Michael Hall is a wonderful children’s book about a blue crayon who has mistakenly been put into a blue sleeve, and the friends and family who help him discover his true identity.

You might also enjoy Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress, by Christine Baldacchino and illustrated by Isabelle Malenfant. Morris feels ostracized by his classmates when they don’t understand why he loves wearing a beautiful, crinkly, tangerine dress from the dress up center. Morris takes them on an adventure and everyone learns that it doesn’t matter what you wear in outer space!

For older kids, check out This Is How We Do It: One Day in the Lives of Seven Kids from around the World by Matt Lamothe, which follows the real lives of seven kids from Italy, Japan, Iran, India, Peru, Uganda, and Russia for a single day!

Here are even more trans and gender non-conforming books for all ages.

Will Mom And Dad Mind?

What if you want to buy a gender neutral toys for other people’s kids, but you’re worried about how they will react? Did Mollie ask for a firetruck, but you’re worried Mom won’t approve? Will Dad be upset if you buy Derrick the baking set he’s been dreaming about for months? That’s a valid concern and a tough question to answer.

One option would be to consider one of the toys for both genders that are listed above. Maybe later you could offer to take Derrick to a cooking class, and let Mollie bring cookies to the fire station (and ask if she can sit behind the wheel of the fire truck while you’re there!)

Another choice that’s more direct would be to ask Mom and Dad about the gift beforehand and save the child from backlash or anxiety later on (or the disappointment of not receiving what they asked for). You may even recommend they check out some literature about raising gender nonconforming kids.

Gender Born, Gender Made, by Diane Ehrensaft, Ph.D. is a guide which helps parents of children who live outside the binary gender boxes, and offers a framework for helping children become their authentic gender.

Experiences

Maybe the perfect gift isn’t actually a thing, but an experience! It could be a shopping spree and ice cream, canoeing and camping, or taking an art class together. Maybe your nephew wants to go horseback riding, and your god-daughter really wants to try out a martial arts class. No matter that activity, you’ll have a blast together and make some precious memories. 

For more ideas, check out Gifts that Are Experiences!

Remember, it’s easy to get wrapped up (no pun intended) in gift giving anxiety. Toys for both genders are sure to win smiles and hugs when you make choices that respect and capture the true spirit of your little gift recipient.

Happy Holidays!

XOXO,

M

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Vocabulary In The Early Years: Facts and Myths All Parents Should Know

As a speech pathologist, this topic is always on my mind. But recently I have been examining my son’s vocabulary, as he prepares to enter school.

That’s because I know that when he goes to school full-time he will be entering a new phase in his life. He will enter a world where the demand on his language abilities will be higher.

He will have to:

• Follow multi-step directions without many cues

• Learn from a variety of different adults during group and individual contexts

• Engage in social situations with new peers (some who may be older)

• Master the academic concepts required for his year.

I know! It seems like a lot for kindergarten!

But this is the reality of what is happening in the classroom.

And having a strong vocabulary is one of the best ways I can prepare him to meet these new challenges.

I’m A Speech Pathologist

As I watch my son play with his friends and chat with us at dinner, using descriptive words, I am not worried. He has had the benefit of having a speechy mom who has been preparing him for this day since the moment he was born.

Yet this time in my life brought to my attention the need to share this knowledge with other parents.

Helping children develop a wide vocabulary in the early years sets the stage for success!

Let’s start off with some basic truths about vocabulary development. Parents deserve to know and I want to put to rest some common misconceptions.

As soon as babies are born they start to hear all the sounds in their language. Their brains search for patterns in the way these sounds are put together. These patterns help them understand where words begin and end.

Once they have identified familiar patterns they start to attach meaning to what they are hearing.

That’s when vocabulary learning begins. This can start as early as 5 months old with the recognition of baby’s own name. In a large-scale study, researchers found that 10-month old babies had vocabularies (words they understood) ranging from 11 to 154 words. But, most of these babies had not spoken their first word yet or were only saying a few small words.

This means that word learning (also known as vocabulary learning) starts well before babies have started to talk. Also, this trajectory continues as baby grows up. Young children will have a much larger vocabulary of words they understand compared to what adults actually hear them saying.

When a baby says their first words (typically between 9-14 months old) it is pretty simple to keep track of their vocabulary. But, as their vocabularies grow, children start speaking in sentences. Then it can become difficult to know exactly how many words they actually understand. Or in other words, how large their vocabulary is.

In a landmark study researchers found that by age 3 children from a high-socioeconomic status (wealthier) had heard about 30 million words more than those from a low-socioeconomic status (poorer). As a result, by 3 years old these children had vastly different vocabularies.

Children from wealthier homes had an average vocabulary of over 1000 words.

Children from lower-income homes had average vocabularies of 500 words.

Bottom line: because a child can have a conversation with you does not mean they have a strong and diverse vocabulary.

The relationship between vocabulary and reading comprehension has been around for decades. It is estimated that between 10-18% of children entering school will have difficulty learning to read. Of these children, most will have difficulty with vocabulary, which directly impacts their ability to learn to read and understand what they have read.

On the other hand, children with large vocabularies typically go on to become strong readers. Since vocabulary knowledge plays a key role in understanding the words children hear when they are read to, or when they read to themselves, it is not hard to see why the more words a child knows, the better their reading skills will be.

Fact: The home environment has a direct impact on whether or not a child will develop a wide vocabulary by the time they enter school.

It has long been accepted that the quality of the home environment a child grows up in has a major impact on how well they will develop language (or not). However, it is not as simple as saying a child who grows up in a wealthy home will have a stronger vocabulary than one who comes from an impoverished home. In fact, researchers have found 3 key factors of the home environment that play a central role in language development:

• The amount of shared book reading between parent and child

• The quality of child-parent interactions (e.g., the amount and type of words parents use when speaking to a child, as well as following a child’s lead in conversation)

• Providing age-appropriate toys and books that encourage play and learning

Studies have also shown that these differences in the quality of home environment can be seen in families with children as young as 15 months of age.

Upon entering school children may have the ability to use everyday words to communicate their message, but may not have the advanced vocabulary expected of them to be able to succeed with the demands of learning at school.

For example, a child who understands the sophisticated words that will appear in math or science instruction such as divide, half, exclude, narrow, dissolve or habitat will be more likely to do better in these subjects.

That’s because they will be able to understand the teacher’s instructions in learning activities more easily since they already know what these words mean, they will be able to use their knowledge of these words to help them understand the meaning of other words they don’t know as they are learning, and they will be able to use their understanding of these words to help them formulate questions to learn more about any given topic.

School is a wonderful place to become exposed to new words and learning in all areas. For children who enter with rich vocabularies, the curriculum will offer many more learning opportunities. For those who enter without the necessary vocabulary, this type of language can be very overwhelming and have a negative impact on learning.

Vocabulary learning seems to be one of those resiliency skills with a profoundly cascading effect. From as early as the preschool years this phenomenon can be seen.

Children who have larger vocabularies tend to learn words faster, but children with limited vocabularies tend to learn words at a slower rate. This trend appears to continue all the way through the school years so what begins as a small difference in vocabulary size when children are young, can turn into a monstrous division of skill level by the older years of school.

Parents and professionals alike would agree that speaking to and reading to children is a fundamental way to help them develop language skills. However, when it comes to ensuring kids have a strong vocabulary, just these basics aren’t enough. Children need to be exposed to a wide variety of new words regularly and it is estimated they need to hear a new word at least 12 times before it becomes integrated into their vocabulary.

In addition, children need to have multiple opportunities to use and explore these new words themselves in different ways. Finally, adults need to help children learn to become active word learners. Teaching them how to use the knowledge they already have to figure out the meaning of new words or to ask questions when a meaning is unclear.

I’m hoping that this post wasn’t too daunting for the typical parent out there. My goal was not to frighten people and have them worry about their child’s vocabulary knowledge but to highlight an important topic.

In truth, even though the topic of vocabulary learning can seem big and scary and something left up to only the professionals with multiple degrees, it is not! There are many small things parents can do at home that will go a long way. In fact, you have already begun by reading this article!

How To Get Started Building Vocabulary

To get everyone started helping their child develop strong vocabulary skills TODAY, Talking Together has made a free Word List Tracker available for download here.

Adding even one new word a day (or per week if that is all you can manage right now!) will make a difference and start to put vocabulary learning into your regular daily routine.

I will also be writing a follow-up post to this one entitled 5 Easy Ways to Develop Vocabulary Without Changing Our Busy Lives. You can check back later for that or you can sign up for Talking Together’s newsletter to receive that post straight to your inbox for free as soon as it comes out!

If you are really keen to learn more (and I hope you are!) I recommend the book Word Aware 2: Teaching Vocabulary In The Early Years by Stephen Parsons and Anna Branagan (<—affiliate link). Perfect for parents and early educators that want to make language learning come to life every day for the special children in their lives.

Wishing you and your loved ones happy language learning together

1. Hoff, E. (2014) Language Development, 5th Ed., Wadsworth, Belmont, CA.

2. Konza, D., (2010). Understanding the reading process, Research Into Practice, August, 1-8.

3. Neuman, S. & Wright, T. (2014). The magic of words: Teaching vocabulary in the early childhood classroom, American Educator, Summer, 4-13.

4. Parsons, S. & Branagan, A. (2016) Word Aware 2: Teaching Vocabulary In The Early Years, Speechmark Publishing Ltd., London, UK.

5. Rvachew, S. (2010) Language Development and Literacy, retrieved online on April 28, 2017 at https://www.child-encyclopedia.com/sites/default/files/dossiers-complets/en/language-development-and-literacy.pdf

The post Vocabulary In The Early Years: Facts And Myths appeared first on Lies About Parenting.

The dreaded worry of every parent–the bully. Sending my son off to school, I worry that my child will fall into the grasp of a mean kid.

For my son, life is different. He has high-functioning autism spectrum disorder.

He’s an easy target.

My life is full of sensory overload, anger issues and my child’s inability to understand social cues. (Social cues are the way people look and act that tells the world around them what they’re feeling.)

Playing The Right Game

The biggest issues that we faced, and still do, remain connected to the social game. That’s always the big problem for high-functioning ASD kids. Missed social cues lead to misunderstandings between peers. From elementary school onward, my autistic son always felt misunderstood and alone.

Then the bullying kicked in around third grade. But it was never one bully, and it never looked the same. The bully could be ginormous monsters, from the group of boys that kept pushing Jackie down to the ground. Or, the bully could be a slithering snake as a friend encouraged him to say a bad word.

In any form, the impact on an autistic child being bullied is the same. I remember so many days of picking up an angry boy from school and so many nights of hearing him sob into his pillow, and there was nothing I could do. It seemed as if we were living in a “bully alley” that ripped through the neighborhood daily. My belief that most kids are innately good disappeared.

The Bully In His Head

It was middle school by the time I realized who the worst bully was. No, it wasn’t the kid sitting next to him, or the group of kids around him, but the bully that was living in his head.

It happened on a Thursday afternoon. Obsessed with exposing the peer bullying, I planned to snatch up the evidence and help the world understand they could NOT treat my son this way.

I started at school. Jackie complained that the kids in his after-school program were mean to him. I decided to make a visit to the science classroom, peek in, maybe volunteer to help.

What I saw was the discovery that my son’s reality was not the real world, but the truth of an ASD mind’s interpretation. For the first time, I met one of Jackie’s bullies, his phantom bully–the dude living in his mind.

Approaching the science room, I heard a commotion. It was palpable, a small enclosed space filled with twenty kids, all hyped up after a long day of school. There I saw my overstimulated son rushing around with his partner’s cell phone held high above his head.

It was a catch-me-if-you-can game to him, but by the twisted look on his partner’s face, I could tell it wasn’t funny.

As I stood there, Jackie went sprinting past me and out into the hallway, his partner chasing after him. I could hear yells of, give it back, Jackie and it isn’t funny coming from down the hall. I stopped Jackie and asked him why.

Why would he take another kid’s stuff and act as if everything was fine as if it were a fun game that everyone loved?

Fun or None?

The answer was simple. My autistic son couldn’t see the frustration on his friend’s face or hear it in his voice.

My autistic son’s bully was his brain.

He missed all the social cues that the game had stopped being funny. In that room, Jackie was annoying, and an instigator and his behavior had led to some of his peer drama.

It wasn’t his fault, and I knew that he had little control over it, but I also knew that I had been looking at things all wrong.

There had been real bullies in Jackie’s life, kids that made fun of him or were physically abusive. But now there was a new bully, a phantom bully, the kid he became through his perceptions of situations. But those perceptions that were not the whole truth.

A New Bully To Fight

I had spent so much of my energy fighting against real bullies I didn’t even think about the ones in his head. Autism and high-functioning ASD is a lot of black and white thinking. To Jackie, kids like you or they hate you, and a game is fun when you’re winning or horrible if you’re losing.

My autistic son misses the in-between zone, the place where you can go too far with something. He doesn’t see the gray area between fun and irritating.

Jackie is in high school now. There is a middle road that I take. My autistic son’s bully needs constant attention.

The social game is getting more and more difficult to play, and there are still bullying issues that come up. Now, I take a step back, not rushing to conclusions.

I’m glad that I met the phantom bully. The bully in my son’s head can be much harder to deal with than an honest to goodness real mean kid. Through discussions and practice, our understanding of Jackie’s ASD grows.

And we both learn how to deal with the bully in his head.

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